You want war – ikaw na lang!
You want confrontation – ayoko nun!
You want argument – can I just comment?
You want fame – I’m a star in my own right!
You want recognition – I do too!
But let me do it on my own. . .
Without having to bash, berate, or bang on anyone!!
On the eve of my fourth decade here on earth, I wanted to be on a reflective mood. I wanted to reminisce on all those years when I was still a toddler and my mom and dad would whisper the lessons they wanted me to learn. I wanted to recapture the moment when I danced, sang, drank, cried hard, laughed till my stomach hurt, had my tattoo! 😉 I wanted to probe and ask all the questions I still don’t have the answers to. I wanted to look back and see if all my wishes, goals, dreams, all of those I have tasked myself to do have all been done, realized, completed, fulfilled, carried out.
But what did I really do today??
Awoke at about 6 in the morning after a long evening – came from my “matalik na kabigan’s” house and got a “T” then off to a premiere of a Cinemalaya offering. Checked my FB account on mobile then played online games. Took a bath and travelled to Lucban, but taking the Tayabas jeep so I had to wait for several minutes after getting off at the market for another ride. I watched a documentary about the Comedy King – Dolphy at home with my sister and nephew. Met up with relatives and close friends at Kamayan sa Palaisdaan for a thanksgiving lunch. Felt the pain of having someone to love by your side yet not be able to express and show it fully (Sarah-Gerald affair). Importantly, listened to Atty M on DWFM TV5 and now, watching Snow White and the Huntsman.
So, what am I to do tomorrow??
Just like what I have been doing for the last 15 or so years, go to work and get on with my life.
Maybe, I will ponder, some other time. 🙂
I want to write.
I want to say all the things I want to say.
I want to express myself.
I want to let go of all emotions inside.
I want to drown in the sea of words and phrases and just ride the waves of paragraphs.
I want to breathe in the similes and breathe out the irony.
I want to smell the fragrance of sweet nothings.
I want to hear the banging of criticisms.
I want to taste the panache of praises.
I want to see the picture painted by Bread.
I want to feel the texture of love and war.
I want to sing the highest notes with the lyrics of my own accord.
I want to dive into the ocean with only a pen on my hand.
I want to climb a mountain, a hill, a pile of papers. . . slide down scribbling.
I want to move, dance, walk, drive, crawl, spin, scat, rap. . .
And I want to write about all of those. 🙂
Latitude 14.6, Longitude 121.8. . . numbers that will forever be etched on my mind.
We were already travelling for more than 3 hours, and we’re actually asleep when one of the crew woke us up and asked us to stand up so he can open the engine cabin and let the heat out. The engine was over heating. We all rose and I was looking for signs of trouble or even danger. The boat was slowly moving. The passengers appeared uneasy, a little bothered and seems to be waiting of what is going to happen next. The boat slowly moved for another 3 or so minutes until it totally stopped. It was noticeable that the crew were checking the entire boat. The Captain tried to revive the engine. Trouble, there is! And we expect the official account on what went wrong.
Within the hour after we stopped, showers of rain can be felt. Other passengers murmured “subasco, subasco!” Then it came, heavy rain with strong wind. The place grew dark despite the moon above us. We were advised to stay in the middle to prevent us from capsizing. I don’t know how long the rain lasted but I was so thankful when it stopped and then there was moon light once again. The sea was calmer with gentler waves.
I should say I was afraid, afraid that we might get shipwrecked, afraid that we might tip over, afraid that another typhoon comes, afraid that bigger than houses kind of waves will come upon us….. everything frightening and terrifying came to mind, and yeah, I should say I was afraid.
But, honestly, I was not! There was something inside me telling me to stay calm and just think of positive thoughts. Something told me, everything will be alright because I also heard that rescuers are coming and we will reach the shore safe. Something in me said that, this too shall pass!!