CURTAIN CALL

21March2013

*I just have to write this in my native language. No excuses, you can always translate.😛

Pagkatapos ng ilang buwan, heto parin ako. Akala ko noong una ay naka-usad na ako, unti-unti pero habang tumatagal parang hindi parin. Pinilit kong magbasa ng mga paraan, kung ano mga dapat gawin, isipin kung anong mga pagkakamali upang hindi maulit at marami pa. Naintindihan ko naman, oo naman! Pero siguro iyong pagkaintindi na hindi tumatagos sa puso, hindi bumabaon sa kukote, ika nga! Yun bang binasa ko at nalaman ko kung ano nga yung mga pagkukulang, pero pagkatapos, nanduon parin yung umaasa ako na muling madurugtungan kung anuman yung mayroon dati.

Pinilit kong maging masaya, matatag, “matalino” … pinipilit kong makalampas sa ganitong pinagdadaanan. Dati naman parang pagkatapos ng dalawa o tatlong linggo eh mabuti na ang kalagayan ko. Handa na ulit akong tumawa ng malakas at ngumiti ng sinsero at natural. Hindi ko na kailangan ng matagalang sesyon sa mga kaibigan at mahabaang private message sa FB, talakayan sa what’s app at bulungan sa viber, para lang sabihin yung pinagdadaanan ko araw-araw. Dati, hindi paulit-ulit na roller coaster ride. Kumbaga, isang pila lang, pagkatapos ng isang sakay, tapos na. Pero bakit ngayon, lagi kong nahuhuli ang sarili ko na bumabalik sa pila at muling hinihintay ang pagsakay, ang pagbali-balintong sa sasakyang wala namang mabuting idinudulot kundi ang pagsakit ng ulo, pagkahilo, pagsakit ng sikmura, pagsusuka, ang pagpata ng katawan. . . .

Ano nga bang idinudulot nito sa akin? SAYA? Oo, inaamin ko, sobrang saya ang aking nararamdaman kahit sa mga saglit na pag-uusap at pagkikita. Sa mga pananalita at pagbibigay ng kahit kaunting liwanag sa matagal ko ng minimithi. Tama! Yun lang. Sa ganun lang, masaya na ako! Mababaw naman talga ang kaligayahan ko, sino ba ang hindi? Sino ba ang tatanggi sa kasiyahan na kahit panandalian lamang, alam mo naman na ito ang kailangan mo? At alam mo na dahil dito, lulutang kang muli sa ere, sasayaw kang parang walang nanonood, hindi ka makakaramdam ng kahit anong pait o sakit o galit. . . panandaliang saya! Dahil pagkatapos, babalik ka sa realidad! Matagal na nga palang tapos ang relasyon ninyo. Ilang panahon na ang dumaan mula nung sabihin niya na hanggang magkaibigan na lang kayo. At mayroon na nga pala siyang iba na pinaglalaanan ng panahon. SAKIT!

Saya at Sakit! Hahah. . . Naku! Eto na! Siya pa rin ang naaalala ko kahit alam kong iba na ang konteksto ng pinag-uusapan! Hahaha. . . Ayun oh! Nakapag-biro pa talaga!

Dati, sinasabi ko sa mga kaibigan ko, sa dinami-dami, wala pa talagang nakapag-patibok ng puso ko, yung hahamakin ang lahat… yung sisisirin ang lalim ng dagat… yung susungkitin ang buwan at bituin (teka, parang sa lalake ata ung mga yun?! Di bale, pantay na naman daw ang lalake at babae! heheh. . . ) Hanggang dumating sya at makilala ko. . . pero, nakakalungkot dahil hindi naman ito nagtagal at parang hangin lang na dumaan. Kasabihan, maaaring dumaan siya para sa isang mahalagang misyon sa aking buhay. . . at natatanto ko, upang bigyan nya ng liwanag yung katauhan ko! Usisain yung buong pagkatao ko! Ipakita kung sino ba talaga ako!

Pero, mukhang hanggang dito na nga lamang. Siguro naman, sa ilang beses kong tinangkang tapusin, hindi ko na kailangan pa ng delubyo para itigil na ang kahangalang ito. Takot man ako sa kahihinatnan, pero yun na yung risk dun!

Nakakabaliw ang pag-ibig pero hindi naman kailangang mawala sa sarili sakaling lumipad na at piniling maging malaya nito.

Kay #MYSuperman, maraming salamat! Napakalaking bahagi ka ng buhay ko!

#MYSUPERMAN

In some articles I read up about relationships, love, marriages, and the likes, there is always a paragraph or two about daughters looking for husbands to be in the likeness and, probably, image of their fathers. It has been said that girls look for characteristics of their boyfriends similar to that of their dads. This accounts to the fact that it will always be the fathers who will be the first male their daughters will adore.

 

Maybe, unconsciously, I was looking for someone like my father too.

– A carpenter who has been working since his teens

– A silent man who is passionate about family and values

– A music enthusiast though not big on singing

– A good man with a good heart

– my original Superman!

 

And so, in my search, conscious of that nagging feeling and other people asking, no not merely asking, but demanding to know why…. there is one answer I have…

 

… eventually, after and when looking is done and gone, someone just like my father will come.🙂 ♥

 

UNTITLED….YET…

Daydreaming. Check.

Talking to oneself. Check

Smiling outrageously. Check

Stalker mode. Check

Searching for theme songs. Check

 

I know the signs. This is it… again.

I tried shaking it off for quite sometime.

Reminding myself that there will never be another chance.

And taking the risks will not cut it.

 

But what’s this??

I’m longing..

I’m craving..

I’m yearning…

I’m aching…

 

And again,

I’m wishing…

I’m hoping…

I’m praying…

Dear God, I’m kneeling…

WANTED: ARM CANDY IN OCTOBER. . . ;)

Nowadays, I never seem to get shocked anymore. There may be a few things I am surprised about but never shocked as in holy-guacamole-kind-of-shocked stuff.

. . . Dazed on being asked, hmmm…. on being delegated, on the same day, to host/emcee a big gathering, and when I say big it means it involved 2 provinces!

. . .  Startled on a disapproval of an appointment after working my ass off for 6 months!

. . . Went speechless when, eherm… someone tried to hold my hand, and for the record, I would have allowed if only he asked. 😉

 

So, other Shift+F7 words but not shocked!

 

So when my little sister announced that she is getting married, I just merely asked if Nanay and Tatay know about it already. I was not shocked.

. . . I was not alarmed that both my siblings are now married and obviously, I am not, nor, in any way near getting there..

. . . I was not upset that there are things I am not good at… like relationships… (hmm, another title for a blog!)

. . . I was not frightened that I may not catch the bouquet! Hahaha…

 

Well, here’s a shocker though, read the title!!

YES! I need a date, on the wedding day. Anyone who fits the description, PM me please:

a)    a bachelor (specifically on the D day!)

b)   willing to be my Arm Candy on the D day

c)    can dance and taller than I am

d)   permitting, a title (ex. Atty) before YOUR name.

 

Shocking?? LOL!!!   😀

EVE’S ADAM. . .

He’s tall. He’s dark. He’s. . . eeerr… he’s got the looks of a very serious guy as I seldom see him smile. Maybe it goes with the nature of his job, to appear ominous and threatening, so, the not so charming look. A friend has openly expressed dislike about him.

We’ve had encounters before as we move in the same circle. At times, bumping into each other becomes inevitable, work nature as usual. There were also brief conversations, hellos and his, sometimes, the eye-look-wave things. That summarizes our communications.

It has all changed now.

 

Of recent, he has shown a certain “something.” He has been asking “personal” questions. He has been “whispering” stuff. He has shown particular interest.

And, he tried to hold my hand…

 

Now, i couldn’t shake him off. I have been wracking my brains out what to make of this. I have been rolling in and around my bed wondering what to do…

And his relationship status states: IT’S COMPLICATED!

BLANKET. . .

Dear God,

Thank you for my blanket tonight.

But, I thank you more for the hands that will keep our brethren safe and warm as they sleep tonight.

 

I thank you for my bed tonight.

But more than this, I thank you for the shelter above the heads of those whose houses were swept.

 

Thank you once again for the life I live.

And thank you more for tomorrow will be a new, bright day for everyone of us!

 

Amen.

RANDOM. . .

You want war – ikaw na lang!

You want confrontation – ayoko nun!

You want argument – can I just comment?

You want fame – I’m a star in my own right!

You want recognition – I do too!

But let me do it on my own. . .

Without having to bash, berate, or bang on anyone!!